INNER SELF

Stress, anxiety, depression is a state we cannot fully understand, unless we have been there; and even then - what is understanding? We muddle through at best, follow suggestions and formulae in an effort to find something that works. Like a roller coaster, we can see the bend coming up but we cannot prepare for the forces against us as we go through that bend. A recent training course "mental health first aid! was very interesting, particularly as a close friend is going through this.

We journeyed together to church the other week, a big step for her; avoiding people and questions. Well meaning folk, pleased to see her and wanting to encourage. The early service was a good option, familiar in its ways and unlikely to have any surprises; tea & coffee is provided between the services for the comings and goings. At the final blessing I whispered to her "fancy a coffee"; "I think I'll just go straight home".

As we left we bumped into a lady just arriving, she asked the time of the next service and we suggested she went int the hall for a coffee first.
Sitting in the car we could see the lady, walking around the perimeter looking at the hall; she then sat on the wall, waiting.

Thats when it happened; my friend reached into who she is, a caring person that understands feelings. "Tell her, if she wants to go for a coffee, I will go with her" and that's what we did.

Note to morning office: help me to know me and work out of who I am.
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Gift of Time

Sunday should not go without a mention; after service a friend came to me and said "I'm going to ask you a strange question". With a laugh I told him he would probably get a strange answer; he asked me if I had a wrist watch? Of course and I went on to show him and tell him how it is nothing special and I have had it some years now, the glass is scratched and will only wind the pointers one way. This winding is not a problem as in the fall it will wind back and the watch always gains a little - so winding back is no problem. March is a problem and I need to wind back 11-hours.

Clearly I did not go into such length about my old watch as my friend just held out his watch and said, "I would like you to have this". I was stunned and did not know what to say, I am used to there being a catch/ condition; there was none. This was a very good quality watch, I used to have one the same make many years ago. It seems my friend recieved a retirement gift, a special watch and must have pondered on what to do with his old one; most would keep it in a drawer for use on occasional days. He added, it's quartz and just had a new battery; I am not often lost for words - a simple thank you...

But it must be more than that for it has not left my thoughts since. Our possessions, all that we have - it is not what we have but what we do with it - letting go of possessions is not easy - how much stuff do I/we have in cupboards and drawers and if we could let go of them, then maybe - just maybe we could let go and be who we are created to be. New life indeed.

Note to evening office: do some clearing out.
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Monday walk

Started out this morning at a bird hide and quickly realised

I am a photographer - not a bird watcher. I enjoy taking pictures of our feathered friends but conversation in that small shed was all about what they had seen and where. I think I was looking for a little peace and quiet; so off I went for a walk. Here are a selection of snaps.

Happy Easter.

Eternal Bank Account

So many of us put great distance between ourselves and our bank account when funds are low. The statement, be it on paper or online is avoided at all cost. "I know I am low but I don't want to know how much". It is great to view a statement when we are in credit, spend a little and not worry about the balance (spend a lot and not worry)!

The journey back is always longer than the journey there, as kids we would walk down the fields to the woods, and play all day. Coming back we would often comment how far away the farmhouse was; it seemed as if someone had moved it while we were playing. It is easy for our statement of accounts to move beyond our point of calculation; Dad would always say "look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves". Strange, when the most I would have was ten shillings (but he was right). It dosen't seem to matter how well we are brought up, we still stray and get into bother, now the economic climate seems to be having a day (or two) of reckoning; perhaps the banks have been loosing sight of the pennies.

Holy week and leading up to Good Friday, a day of reckoning when our debt was paid in full ,but it is not that simple - our statement needs to be refreshed daily.
Note to morning office: help me to look after the pennies (your sheep).
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Look through any window

I found a new exercise this morning in my bid to keep fit; washing windows.
It is an action that is good for the Body, Mind and Spirit.

For a window to be effective, it should be cleaned regularly on both the outside and the in. When it is unclean, much is hidden but once the cleaning is done; even the smallest of blemish (even in the corners) is noticed.

The view from the window opposite is taken from Hetton Hall Northumbria; a prayer seat at the top of the first floor looking towards the sea and Cuthberts cave. A bell rings and it is time for morning office.....

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The Caravan Pilgrim

The large caravan, pulled by two horses emerged from behind the Black Bull Inn at Ugthorpe. It was 1934 and already much of the pilgrimage had been accomplished. Peter Anson and his companion Tony Rowe began (with a much larger portiuncula) in Datchet - Thames Valley on Ash Wednesday; marked with black smudges on their foreheads and determination in their hearts. The stop-over at Ugthorpe was for 5-weeks and the villagers got to know the pilgrims well. Mum recalled the story many times and the fascination of the local community. A trade for the old caravan was made with gypsies at Guisborough and the re-fit work began. The old van would have been too heavy for the steep hills in Scotland even though Jack and Bill were good strong horses. Earlier as they approached Ugthorpe, just before Jolly Sailors bank, one of the shafts broke in two with a painfully audible sound of splitting timber. Once all was made safe, Tony left Peter to go for help; knowing folk around these parts but it was not till morning that help arrived, Peter spent a windy night on the moor top.

Peter Anson wrote and sketched about churches, Cathedrals and Abbeys up and down the country; he also travelled round Italy, France and Ireland. Peter was with the Benedictine brotherhood on Caldey Island, and one of the twenty monks who followed Abbot Aelred Carlyle over to Rome in 1913. He must have felt quite at home during his stay at Ugthorpe; the community had not changed in it's beliefs or ways of life in many years. Staying true to the faith during the persecution, hiding priests and being married by the church in secret; and later in Whitby to fulfil the law. Peter had a great interest in these times and commented as he found them on his travels.

Peters companion was a local lad, Anthony Rowe from Brotton (only a stones throw from us). Tony was a farrier and an ideal choice for his knowledge of horses and practical sense. He went on to write the first book “The Brown Caravan” followed by Peters “The caravan pilgrim " On their way back from Scotland through Bowes, Yarm, Guisborough and on to Ugthorpe, which was to be their final port, the horses sensed the home run and needed to be held back rather than urged forward. The caravan was sold, the horses too and Peter continued his wandering, writing and drawing; his stories of local folk, faith and determination.

Note to evening office: Keep telling the old stories.
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Hayburn Wyke

The walk last Sunday is still fresh in my mind and I couldn't resist putting the pictures into a video. Tomaso Albinoni now on my Ipod seemed a good choice of backing music. Hayburn Wyke is in North Yorkshire, a little north of Scarborough; close to Ravenscar.

The waterfall comes over the cliff and down to the shoreline; you could not call it a beach. Rocks, boulders and stones; I should also mention - a great place for fossils along this stretch of coastline, all the way up to Robin Hoods Bay.

Note to memo: Take time to smell the flowers. (must be almost spring)?
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