8 July

Measuring Growth

Late again, thanks for being patient. The weekend took me away (as it were) and I found myself staying only an hour or so from the friary. Yes it was good to be away, if only for a short while. The humble abode (a haven of rest) was a small timber based structure close to river and woodland and I was able to take in some of the scenery. Around 8.30pm I was treated to the sight of four curlews screeching and soaring; Wow! what a feeling , curlews have to be a special favorite of mine and to see four was just amazing.

On to something more basic, the bathroom in this small habitat brought back memories from over 50-years; the smell was just like that of my Aunt Agnes's bathroom, I sometimes stayed with her when I was a child. Perhaps it was the wooden structure, you see Agnes and Bill lived in (what used to be) a WWII hut converted into a very nice bungalow. Tongue and groove wood paneling throughout the house, in fact I remember with my index fingers I could touch both walls of the long passage that ran from the kitchen to the lounge. It made a great sound as I ran from one end to the other (we darn't do it when Aunt Agnes was about). How strange how our senses can transport us back so quickly.

Back at the friary a little mopping up was in order as the continuous rain found its way through our old roof, Jim the local handy man is on his way, or so his wife keeps telling us. He does a good job and will be worth the wait and the forecast is a little better.

It will be five years since we planted the silver birch as a small sapling; I have watched its growth from the kitchen window. From my line of sight it was easy to plot its progress against fences and a building just across from us. It has now (by my line of sight) reached the roof top. There is nothing now to compare the hight of the tree or monitor its growth, what am I going to do? How important was it for me to monitor its growth so far? It didn't help the tree one bit, it managed quite well without me and I am sure it will go on long after I am gone. Children grow up fast, from crawling to toddling - walking to running and before long you are talking face to face. I remember a silver birch in our garden many years ago, this one was good for climbing and I managed to get a rope over one of its branches to make a swing. I got to know the silver birch, the leaves were a delicate shade of green and the bark seemed to be wrapped around the trunk and splitting, curling off, silver. From curlews to silver birches and aunt Agnes's wooden bungalow, just some of my favourite memories.
Note to memo pad: - Not to measure growth, but to appreciate it.

1 July

Time out

Late evening at the priory and once again all is at peace; the weekend has been little different than any other, busy with visitors, a couple of trips into town and a game of chess with brother Cyril. I have been helping out in the library this week and ended up feeling depressed. The number of books I have come across that I have meant to read and never got round to, if that wasn't bad enough I then punished myself by saying - when are you going to read them? Time, there is never enough. Have you seen the new advert for Internet on your mobile phone? The song is "April showers" and it is raining clocks (at least clock components / springs and cogs) as if buying this mobile phone gives you power over time; very clever, the advert seems in slow motion too. This must be one of our greatest desires, to control time or at least rewind or stop for a while (to hold the pendulum).

There was a little boy on the beach with his father and it was the time of year when the tide goes far out. "Where is the sea Dad"? asks the boy, "it's out at the moment" replies the father "but it will be back in a while". Always with one more question, "Dad, why has the sea gone out"? the father thought for a moment and said "so it could come back, unless something goes, how can it come back again"? "Can I have an ice cream Dad"?

Amidst a busy life, demands on time, commitments and self-expectations; unless we go out - how can we come back again. Like the tide, we need to go out and view things from a different angle - we need to be in a different place. There is a rhythm to the tide as there is a rhythm to our breathing, to the ticking of a clock, to a heartbeat. It should be no surprise to us that we Build in - Time out. But we don't (or at least I don't as much as I should).
Memo to busy notepad, leave a page blank, find a space each day - someone else may want to write on it.

I must apologise for the email about Age; I have had some comments back about the guy who wrote it and looking at his web site he is a little on the strange side, not for Sunday afternoon reading. Fr Alan in New Zealand sent me that one (in future I must check them out before I send them on). I sometimes worry about my age, this week I have found myself talking to the cat. The library door has been open most of the time while I was working and of course the cat found its way to the cosy chair. Mutterings of disapproval finding many books out of sequence and reciting some of Wordsworth's poetry (couldn't resist) I think he enjoyed it! Well its a clear night tonight and very little breeze, I guess this time of day for me is my time out. I need to value it and maximise its benefits. I'm just remembering, last year we had a couple of owls but I have not heard them at all this year, I wonder what has became of them?

24 June

Weather forecast

Perhaps it's the change in the weather, but things have felt different around the friary of late. Now I know it may be the holiday blues, having not been back that long and now brother Timothy has the photos printed he is buzzing about it all and is planning his next trip.
We have noted a few points on the guttering that need attention and a whole strip near the back door looks like its need of replacing and when the wind and rain really drives in from the north we get leaks in the garage where the extension meets the old part of the building. What a dull start to my weekly dialogue and how easily we reflect the weather.

I feel like Eyore from the story of Hundred acre wood (all doom and gloom), I need to go and find Poo bear who always has something positive to say. Don't think I could cope with either Tigger or Rabbit they are seriously off the scale (though they do make me laugh). So who is your little ray of sunshine when the clouds are gathering? some words of wisdom from Poo maybe all that is needed. I have a small friend who is larger than life itself and if I told you he has spiky hair, you would be assuming all the wrong things. He's not a punk or a chav (though I do see him in hoodies) he is creative but not a hippy and I have never seen him high on anything but life. You know, just thinking of him lifts my spirits; cheers Buddy!

The rain has eased of and the birds seem louder than ever, I have a small window open and can hear them down the garden towards the orchard and across to a nearby farm, a few cars in the distance merge into the background. Trying to pick out the individual birds, blackbirds are easy, some finches and we have a song thrush. They call to each other and seem to take turns, the overall effect is just amazing - I reach for my Ipod and then change my mind. Oh yes, brother David now has an Ipod with songs from Simon & Garfunkel to Madame Butterfly, I swapped the whiter headphones for less conspicuous ones to hide under my habit. Perhaps I will record some of the bird song from the orchard.

I guess I could describe my self at the moment as a little changeable (like the weather), from tranquil times to some of great stress and concern and most of the time its all about fitting in with others. This monastic lark is great, I first thought about solitude and long periods of contemplation, working in the garden, reading and contributing to some literary work.
I imagined the life of a hermit - and then they thrust us into community (great)! But really, it is not all gloom. There are many of us on the same journey and some of us get to travel on the same bus for a while (others get on and off at different stages).
Note to memo pad: Must get off and see Buddy next week.

17 June

Value - Friends

Brother Cyril and I seem to have been in and out of each others company a lot recently, there was an event that we were all invited to and parties are not quite my thing; so I stuck with Br Cyril and whiled away the time. Thinking about this afterwards, I was using poor Cyril as a hiding place to avoid the chatter. I do get a little awkward when people greet me and I am desperately trying to remember their names - who they are and where I last met them. I have frequently been corrected e.g. "No, that will be Mary, she was a Jones before she was married and her sister is Anne". Of course a couple of glasses of wine numbs the brain and tends to make things worse. Cyril however smiles and chats away about all and sundry, folk tend to flow with him and laugh a lot. Many years ago Cyril would be regarded as the fool, so why is it that I now feel the foolish one? Being in Cyril's company was a blessing, I probably met more people and learned a little more as I was able to listen while others were chatting, nodding in what I hoped were the right places. Cyril nodded off in the car on the way home, Michael was driving of course enabling the rest of us to enjoy a drink - a most enjoyable evening, but I was glad to be back in my own room.

A dear friend of mine called to see me the other day and we went for a walk. She shared how things were getting too much at work and this was affecting her relationships, friends and family. As so often when these situations are shared, we feel the pain and suffering that they are going through - we feel helpless because in reality, what can we do. To say I will pray for you is indeed helpful but I need to Do something that Will make a difference - yet I am at a loss. But you know there is something that can make a tremendous difference I thought. To Value this person, to Appreciate and enable them to feel special. Approve of them and encourage them and to be there at times when they least expect.

Time is getting on and the rest of the friary is in darkness, I did hear someone in the kitchen earlier clattering around. I think I will take a hot drink up with me. It is around this time I go through many mental checks, has someone put the cat out or is he curled up in the library (there is a soft armchair he quite likes) - is everything set out in the chapel for morning and who is on breakfast duty (if it had been me, Michael would have reminded me earlier). I do like this time of night, when everyone else is in bed and settled - then I can settle my head and take my rest.
Memo to notepad - Call my friend and find something to say to make her feel special.

10 June

Distant Shores

Well it is nice to be back and how the trees have filled out and the richness of colour. The Mediterranean has a different beauty, which for me is wonderful to visit, explore and soak up the atmosphere (not to mention the sun). Spending a few weeks with Brother Timothy was a blessing, he asked so many questions and marveled at the sights. Timothy operates in a different time and space; I tend to move around at a gentle - constant pace whereas Timothy is racing from one sight to the next; he sleeps soundly and I am up and down 2-3 times a night.

I did manage to escape a number of times and found my own space. Early one morning I took myself off for a walk along the coastline, a rough track wide enough for one vehicle, which led to the harbour. Looking out to sea I imagined St Paul approaching in a small fishing boat; no doubt he hitched lifts all the time? I am sure the rocks at the shore-line and for some distance in, have not changed in many years and Paul would still recognise the land. We need to travel in to see the changes and still in the midst of the new is the old; the foundation walls, pillars and drainage systems.
Applied to ourselves we need to reverse this completely, how we are on the outside - our dress and how we appear is ever changing. When we travel in we find our foundation stones, pillars and a touching place where the sea meets the shore.

Calling at a bakery I picked up some pastry's, a bottle of water and rested at a 4th century site within which was an active church. It was good to be out of the habit and looking more like a tourist. It is interesting how people are drawn to these old sites, where little changes throughout time. I sat for a while and watched the cats that live there. When the workmen have finished and the tourists have gone; the sun has left the sky for another day, the cats will still be there.

This area is well known for its leather goods and over time I began to think about buying a new pair of sandals. The problem was, I was not sure whether I would be comfortable in a new pair, and these old ones were now moulded to my feet and were as a part of me as my fingers and toes. Perhaps (I thought) if I get a pair and hang on to the old ones just in case, that would be sensible. On the other hand I have had these old things for a good few years. I quickly converted the money and thought £24 seamed a lot for a pair of sandals but in their money it seemed a lot cheaper - so I bought them. On returning back to the apartment I paused at the side entrance, took off my old sandals and dropped them into the bin - there I thought, it's done. I was quite surprised to find just how comfortable my new sandals are.

Office, while I was away seemed to take much less time than at home and I puzzled over this. Was I skipping some, or rushing through without giving time to devotion? I think it was being away and in a different setting, I was more relaxed and did not have my mind on "friary stuff"; that I was able to pray through the office effectively. It felt good.
Note to memo pad :- enter in to a right frame of mind before opening the office. (each day is a holiday).

11 May

Tasks v Time

Yes its Friday (not Sunday my usual) but I thought I would get this off now, as the weekend is looking frantic. Only a week to go before we fly and I said I would take Brother Timothy shopping for a few essentials. His passport arrived eventually much to my relief and things seem to be coming together. However, feeling quite tired at the moment but I am sure it is just the rushing around dealing with things before we go. Then there will be much to do when I get back – listen to me, I think I ought to delete that last line it doesn’t show me in very good light…. How would life be if we could delete something we had just said; you know, when you realise you have just put your big foot in it! Perhaps someone will invent a device to cover that.

During my ministry I have been involved with young people on drugs, they taught me a lot and one thing I remember was they used to get flashbacks after taking a drug; sometimes next day. Well, I can assure you I have not knowingly been inhaling anything illegal; however I have for some time now been experiencing flashbacks (I put it down to age). I may be walking, driving or about my usual duties when I catch a sense of something in my past – a memory. These are always good memories, which pull me into a sense of well-being and contentment; recalling family, friends, places and events. I am getting used to it (though it doesn’t happen all the time). It may just be the particular colour or shape of a tree, the wind blowing across a field of moderately long grass, looking more like waves at sea. Part of my family has a farming background and much of my childhood was spent in the countryside. Perhaps some eminent psychologist could give a detailed explanation?

Brother Cyril caught me today, he was looking for a fax machine; goodness knows what he was going to do with it, said he wanted to copy some documents (can you do that)? We headed off to the old attic and blew some dust off a Sharp ZX something; Cyril has loads of odds and bobs in his room I guess a fax machine would not be out of place. He is a gentle eccentric man but at times in conversation comes out with some profound things. I often get trapped by Cyril and drawn into whatever world he is visiting that day, I really don’t mind but it is frustrating as I don’t get done the things I want to. I seem to be both Mary and Martha in their meeting with Jesus one preferring to sit and listen to what the Lord had to say and the other busy in hospitality tasks.

Evening office: (note to diary) Lord, help me to see the value (equally) in time spent with others, and in tasks.

6th May

The Mission

I feel as if I have very little to write as I sit down and start to click a few words to you. Things are always busy here at the friary and this week is no exception. Preparations are almost complete for our trip (you could say pilgrimage) Brother Timothy and I are off for two weeks following some of the journey of St Paul. Timothy is young and excited and I....... well I'm sure we will have a great time - perhaps I will write a little (I have started a short story for a friend).


It was last Monday morning just after breakfast, I had an appointment about 4-miles away and decided to take the car. Now I do enjoy music, which is not easy to listen to in peace at the friary, so the thoughts of a CD at a suitable volume was sheer joy. Something classical and vocal took my fancy and I pulled out a copy of The Voice by Russell Watson. The first track was from the film The Mission, I'm sure you recall it. The film was wonderful and the music some of the best I've heard.

Although I was driving down a country lane, the music took me somewhere else completely; I felt a sense of peace and wonder, love and accomplishment. It is difficult to recall this accurately some days later but I was in no doubt that if I could maintain that state, that it would be a wonderful state to live in.

Now you are probably saying, David has lost it - joined the ranks of Brother Cyril; but I thought about this and I know how affected I was by the film The Mission and I thought how close the word Mission is to Passion.
My passion is for people - to help, to teach, to empower and if I dare - to be radical.
The music - The Mission was releasing my passion and I do believe when we operate out of our passion, great and amazing things happen. It is what we are designed to do. An athlete may be a good chess player but s/he was born to run!

I am sure there is a lot more to ponder on around this experience, have you felt the same?
Office prayer (most of this week) Lord help me to not hold back. Amen.